Got drama? Let’s talk about emotional waste

I don’t often get a lot of time to read, nevertheless, I always find myself involved with 2-5 books at a time. I’m a literary hoarder to the nth degree and I’m not afraid to admit it! Anyway, one of the books I’m listening to is “No Ego” by Cy Wakeman. If you haven’t heard of it you should check it out on Audible or buy it on Amazon. One of the things that has been a major time suck in my work day is something that I’m sure most HR professionals and managers can identify with: being sucked into the “counselor” role. Have you ever had an employee come in and say “I really need to talk and you’re the only one I feel comfortable talking to”? Who’s going to say no to that? The flattery, the urgency of their desire to talk...Any empathetic human will want to lend a listening ear, right?

Maybe, but it’s a trap!

Throughout Wakeman’s research, it was determined that leaders spend a conservative average of 5 hours per week on emotional waste, i.e. listening to your employees complain about things that won’t/can’t change or letting them vent about another member of the organization. Oh, what I could do with an extra 5 hours per week!

One of the ways she suggests to handle these situations is to ask a disarming question.

My favorite suggestion is to ask, “What would great look like right now?”

I love this because it shifts the focus of the conversation on solutions. It also, naturally pushes the complainer to take accountability of what happens next. After they make their assessment and proposal, the only thing left to say is “go be great!”

Obviously, there’s never one question that applies to all situations but the key is to do the following:

1. Ground the discussion in reality. What are the facts of the situation?

2. Edit the report. Where are the emotions of the employee that are clouding the truth of the situation?

3. Empower the employee. Empower critical thinking and ownership by requiring the employee to propose their own solution.

The whole concept of emotional waste took me back to another book I read and adored by Mark Manson. “The Subtle Art of Not Giving a F***” is one of those books that talks about altering your perspective in a simple yet, enlightening way. While there are too many nuggets to discuss in one blog, I want to highlight the one that is most applicable: We have limited f***s to give so pay attention to where your f***s go!!

Don’t give your energy to everyone, indiscriminately. Your energy should be going to the business and how you can create a more productive work environment. Be strategic about your time, energy, and goals.